The Adventure of Ape Pagoda (The Adventures of Rhesus A. Macaque, Private Investigator) by Mawyer Gary & Mawyer Edward

Author:Mawyer, Gary & Mawyer, Edward [Mawyer, Gary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-05-17T00:00:00+00:00

The Naked City

It was a new day. Detective Ape Pagoda couldn’t believe it. His pants were lost again. Baskets of Frogpaws Harry were still being passed up the narrow steps from the second basement, at the coroner’s request. All the precinct personnel came around to look at the mess. Fortunately Shirley Serious had spare pants at the snack bar. “Why so down in the dumps, Ape?” asked Shirley.

“Doctor says I’ve got Ed. Who’s Ed? Mr. Ed? I hate horses.” Ape threw a handful of nuts against the wall and knuckled anxiously back and forth and up and down.

“Maybe it was a capital D. Maybe he meant your dick don’t work.”

“OK, who’s Dick? One of Ed’s friends? I hope Ed’s happy. What I need right now is a replacement for that so-called psychiatrist Snodgrass. The man’s a Freudian. He’s got no idea how to lift a curse. Witchcraft, that’s what this is. I need a psychic.” Ape dropped to the floor and curled into a ball, the better to show off his rump. He liked Shirley.

“Go see Guy Poisson, Homme des Ombres . He reunited me with my astral familiar!”

“Damn, that does sound pretty accomplished. Where is he?”

“Can’t miss it, corner of Broad and Mammal.”

Ape was tired after suffering the worst disappointment of his life and then killing Frogpaws, but this was an emergency. Soon Guy woke to a frightful banging on his door. Ape popped the lock and broke in before Guy could finish dressing.

“Shirley tells me you solve witchcraft cases,” Ape said. “She told me you reunited her with her missing spirit animal.”

“It was not missing, nor had it ceased to be Shirley’s guardian on the Plane Astral. Please, come in. As I told the delightful Shirley, when she bought the elite garbage can with the lid most fancy, her spirit animal was forced to appear across the street. Between you and me, it was all about leftovers. But now it lives at her home and there will be no more trouble.”

“Shirley also tells me I’m the Assistant Chief Detective of the Lanta Police Department. But plainly I’m a monkey of some kind living in the jungle. It doesn’t add up.” Ape flicked a fly off the windowpane with his new trousers, which were already crumpled. “I will come back and shit all over this room if you tell anybody I was here,” he said disconsolately.

“I beg you not to,” Guy said.

“Then you better come up with something.”

“There is always tension in the partnership between the official detective of high local standing and the world-famous private investigator, between the mere professional and the genius amateur extraordinaire . My méthode psychique is secret. I am not to be seen. I tell no one anything.”

“Perfect. Oook!”

“Calm yourself. We can approach your problem by deduction.”

“But that will drive me crazy!”

“It’s a risk we must take.”

“OK.”

“Maybe it is induction. I am never sure.”

Ape curled his lips back to show it was all the same to him.

“Let us explore the extent of this curse a witch has placed on you.

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